As much as I am so deeply grateful to my parents for taking us in, things are starting to reach a boiling point. It's starting to wear on everybody.
The kids and I make things difficult for my mom, and she has to babysit for me a few days a week while I go to work because I can't afford daycare. My teenage brother has no respect for the fact that there are small kids in the house, and his lifestyle reflects it. I've tried talking to him, but all I get out of him is outright hostility. My parents try to stay out of how I raise my children, but it's difficult when you live in the same house. That is wearing on me more than I want to admit.
My job sucks. Let's face it, I'm working part-time at a grocery store for $8.40 an hour. I can't support my kids on that. I want things to work out with my husband, but I also have to look out for my kids. We've been through this sort of situation before, and he has fallen back into the same habits. As much as I want this to work, I can't stick my head in the sand and not have something to rely on in case things end badly. I have to get a better job. I've never been in the real workforce, I've only worked in retail jobs and I am totally clueless in regards to job hunting.
So this is my to-do list for myself:
- Find housing
- Look into daycare
- Find a better job
The simplicity of that list belies the sheer amount of misery behind it. All the heartache, stress, and fear.
God help me, Lord knows that I can't do this on my own.
Geez I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight.
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